True story. I just finished a phone
conversation with my sister who
volunteered to pray with me as I shared
with her the physical pain that I am
currently experiencing in my body.
Word for word, she prayed,“ Father
God, please help my sister to not be so
stupid and to not eat things that she
knows will cause her pain. Help her even
now in Jesus’ name. Amen.” And there it
was.
It occurs to me that some may not
appreciate such forthrightness,
especially as they lie keeled over a table
feeling nauseous and in pain, but I thank
God for a sister and friend who is willing
to tell me when my choices are the
problem.
conversation with my sister who
volunteered to pray with me as I shared
with her the physical pain that I am
currently experiencing in my body.
Word for word, she prayed,“ Father
God, please help my sister to not be so
stupid and to not eat things that she
knows will cause her pain. Help her even
now in Jesus’ name. Amen.” And there it
was.
It occurs to me that some may not
appreciate such forthrightness,
especially as they lie keeled over a table
feeling nauseous and in pain, but I thank
God for a sister and friend who is willing
to tell me when my choices are the
problem.
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Monday January 24, 2011
| EEWMAGAZINE.COM |
| Copyright © 2011-2014 EEW Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. |
You’ve pointed them to the Word, but you end up
being the bad guy, because “You don’t understand
how it is.”
Disagreement in a friendship can be painful. Lulls
in conversation are reminders of the things you
can’t talk about. Comfortable relationships can
quickly become conversational landmines as you
struggle to redefine what constitutes “safe”
territory in the relationship. Eventually, both
parties become so afraid to move that increasing
distance sets in.
being the bad guy, because “You don’t understand
how it is.”
Disagreement in a friendship can be painful. Lulls
in conversation are reminders of the things you
can’t talk about. Comfortable relationships can
quickly become conversational landmines as you
struggle to redefine what constitutes “safe”
territory in the relationship. Eventually, both
parties become so afraid to move that increasing
distance sets in.
disagree without sacrificing our relationships.
1. Time out on tantrums: The proper response to a friend who doesn’t sign off on your
actions is not icing them with the cold shoulder. Grow up and put aside your defensiveness, just in
case you really are wrong. If you feel their motivations are wrong, lovingly address it.
If you know your friend is telling you the truth, but you don’t want to hear it—say so! You can’t
manipulate and strong-arm them into agreeing you. Their agreement may make you more
comfortable with your poor choices, but it’s never going to make it right. Furthermore, it’s unfair
to expect your friends to deny their convictions for the sake of your comfort.
Just tell your friend that you’d rather do things your way and while you appreciate the love and
concern, you’re willing to deal with the consequences. Now, between us—the truth is, that you
don’t think there will be any. You’re only fooling yourself. Right is right and sin will still demand
its wage.
2. The Jesus at the well approach: If you’re sitting on the other side of this conversation,
wondering when your friend is going to return to her senses—I feel you. But here’s the deal—
you’re not the Holy Spirit. Once you’ve told the truth, you can’t make them submit to it.
You’ll be tempted to wonder if you even know your friend. But, she is still the same person who
has been with you through thick and thin before. Obeying you isn’t the basis for the friendship.
You’ll have to make readjustments, but Christlike love demands that you protect the friendship as
much as is righteously possible. You want to be a safe place when the inevitable day of harvest
comes.
This doesn’t mean you engage in activities that go against your convictions or make you
uncomfortable. Be clear with your friend, “I love you, but I can’t support your choice. Right now,
I understand that this is an area of your life that we can’t share.”
Like Jesus at the well, you call it for what it is—but continue to point her back to the cross for
restoration. Dr. Phil often says, “Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.” Once
you’ve said your piece, the opportunity awaits, unless the Lord leads otherwise.
It’s never easy to navigate relational challenges, but we lose so much more by quitting! An honest
and loving friend is an invaluable asset in your life and journey. They say the prayers that carry
you through and walk with you until things get better.
Live it! Walk a mile in your friend’s shoes this week. If you’re the tantrum-throwing friend, try
viewing the situation from your friend’s perspective. What could her concerns be? If you were
sitting with Jesus at the well…how would your conversation go?
If you’re the target of the tantrum, try to empathize with your friend’s motivations? How can you
share in her pain without judgment or condescension?
Use your discoveries to help prepare you for your next interaction and begin to rebuild a bridge
across the distances.
1. Time out on tantrums: The proper response to a friend who doesn’t sign off on your
actions is not icing them with the cold shoulder. Grow up and put aside your defensiveness, just in
case you really are wrong. If you feel their motivations are wrong, lovingly address it.
If you know your friend is telling you the truth, but you don’t want to hear it—say so! You can’t
manipulate and strong-arm them into agreeing you. Their agreement may make you more
comfortable with your poor choices, but it’s never going to make it right. Furthermore, it’s unfair
to expect your friends to deny their convictions for the sake of your comfort.
Just tell your friend that you’d rather do things your way and while you appreciate the love and
concern, you’re willing to deal with the consequences. Now, between us—the truth is, that you
don’t think there will be any. You’re only fooling yourself. Right is right and sin will still demand
its wage.
2. The Jesus at the well approach: If you’re sitting on the other side of this conversation,
wondering when your friend is going to return to her senses—I feel you. But here’s the deal—
you’re not the Holy Spirit. Once you’ve told the truth, you can’t make them submit to it.
You’ll be tempted to wonder if you even know your friend. But, she is still the same person who
has been with you through thick and thin before. Obeying you isn’t the basis for the friendship.
You’ll have to make readjustments, but Christlike love demands that you protect the friendship as
much as is righteously possible. You want to be a safe place when the inevitable day of harvest
comes.
This doesn’t mean you engage in activities that go against your convictions or make you
uncomfortable. Be clear with your friend, “I love you, but I can’t support your choice. Right now,
I understand that this is an area of your life that we can’t share.”
Like Jesus at the well, you call it for what it is—but continue to point her back to the cross for
restoration. Dr. Phil often says, “Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.” Once
you’ve said your piece, the opportunity awaits, unless the Lord leads otherwise.
It’s never easy to navigate relational challenges, but we lose so much more by quitting! An honest
and loving friend is an invaluable asset in your life and journey. They say the prayers that carry
you through and walk with you until things get better.
Live it! Walk a mile in your friend’s shoes this week. If you’re the tantrum-throwing friend, try
viewing the situation from your friend’s perspective. What could her concerns be? If you were
sitting with Jesus at the well…how would your conversation go?
If you’re the target of the tantrum, try to empathize with your friend’s motivations? How can you
share in her pain without judgment or condescension?
Use your discoveries to help prepare you for your next interaction and begin to rebuild a bridge
across the distances.
Not with a superior, “I told you so” attitude but in a loving manner that says, “You have a
responsibility to yourself.”
It is hard to sit on the sidelines, watching someone you love play games that you know will only
hurt them. You’ve tried telling them the truth, but they don’t want to hear it.
responsibility to yourself.”
It is hard to sit on the sidelines, watching someone you love play games that you know will only
hurt them. You’ve tried telling them the truth, but they don’t want to hear it.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Quoted as one of today's leading motivational speakers
by Essence magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares
life-changing truths with practical wisdom, humor and
insight. Currently, a columnist for StreamingFaith.com,
her workshops and seminars are popular at women's,
singles' and youth conferences. For more info, also visit
feliciascott.com or myspace.com/upliftagency. Follow her
at www.twitter.com/coachfelicia.
Email Coach Scott:
coachscott@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
Quoted as one of today's leading motivational speakers
by Essence magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares
life-changing truths with practical wisdom, humor and
insight. Currently, a columnist for StreamingFaith.com,
her workshops and seminars are popular at women's,
singles' and youth conferences. For more info, also visit
feliciascott.com or myspace.com/upliftagency. Follow her
at www.twitter.com/coachfelicia.
Email Coach Scott:
coachscott@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
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powerful words of encouragement.
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