Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
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About the Writer
Remember who they are. When my child does something childish I like to say, “You, you, 8
year old.” This makes them laugh and reminds me that children do childish things and they need
adults to help them grow up. If I respond in a childish way no growth can take place (1
Corinthians 13:11; Proverbs 22:6; 2 Timothy 2:24).
Give a kiss and a hug. When one of the children says something crazy and I'm tempted to be
a godless mother, I just grab and squeeze them and plant a kiss on their cheek. This method, too,
makes them laugh and lightens the mood and allows me to respond in that mood (Proverbs 10:
12).
Speak some love. The issue could be the children complaining about a meal (they wanted
fries, again!). Instead of immediately telling them how ungrateful they are, I say "I love you"
and tell them how wonderful they are. This also defuses them and me and helps them feel and
know my love before I graciously put them in check (Proverbs 16:13).
Flash a smile. Smiling, my fourth disarming device, reminds me to be kind. My face muscles
change from grim to glee and my atypical response alerts them that they said something out of
sort. I can now engage them with a new attitude (Ephesians 4:32).
And, of course, the attitude we should all have is holy and acceptable to God. This should always
be displayed in our words and in our looks and can happen when we change our practices which
help to change our hearts (Matthew 12:33-35). So let's seek to put the Kingdom first by
countering craziness with love and hugs. If the children get too crazy, like flat our rebellious,
spanking, which is a form of love, is definitely in order. Come back next time as I tackle the issue
of discipline, most specifically the merits and suggested method of spanking.
Was Rhonda's parenting perspective helpful this week? If so, email her and let her know you
were blessed by what God gave her to share at rhonda@eewmagazine.com!
year old.” This makes them laugh and reminds me that children do childish things and they need
adults to help them grow up. If I respond in a childish way no growth can take place (1
Corinthians 13:11; Proverbs 22:6; 2 Timothy 2:24).
Give a kiss and a hug. When one of the children says something crazy and I'm tempted to be
a godless mother, I just grab and squeeze them and plant a kiss on their cheek. This method, too,
makes them laugh and lightens the mood and allows me to respond in that mood (Proverbs 10:
12).
Speak some love. The issue could be the children complaining about a meal (they wanted
fries, again!). Instead of immediately telling them how ungrateful they are, I say "I love you"
and tell them how wonderful they are. This also defuses them and me and helps them feel and
know my love before I graciously put them in check (Proverbs 16:13).
Flash a smile. Smiling, my fourth disarming device, reminds me to be kind. My face muscles
change from grim to glee and my atypical response alerts them that they said something out of
sort. I can now engage them with a new attitude (Ephesians 4:32).
And, of course, the attitude we should all have is holy and acceptable to God. This should always
be displayed in our words and in our looks and can happen when we change our practices which
help to change our hearts (Matthew 12:33-35). So let's seek to put the Kingdom first by
countering craziness with love and hugs. If the children get too crazy, like flat our rebellious,
spanking, which is a form of love, is definitely in order. Come back next time as I tackle the issue
of discipline, most specifically the merits and suggested method of spanking.
Was Rhonda's parenting perspective helpful this week? If so, email her and let her know you
were blessed by what God gave her to share at rhonda@eewmagazine.com!
I had seen early in Joshua’s life the propensity for an extreme emotional swing beyond the
regular baby breakdowns when not getting his way. During these down times we would sing our
way out of sorrow and all would be well again (Isaiah 61:3). Somehow I had lost my vision to
teach him how to respond reasonably to hurt and disappointment. I needed him to see love in
what I say and do, so the onus was on me.
First, I apologized for hurting his feelings, told him I could have handled myself differently,
spoken kindly, more gently. I then told him that his life always mattered and that regardless of
what anyone says to him—including me—he always deserves to live. God made him for a
purpose and if he wasn't here, that purpose would never be fulfilled. Joshua believed me, hugged
and thanked me, told me he forgave me and went on his way. I stayed to ponder a plan to plug
my wounded heart so I wouldn't again stab Joshua's in return.
Too often I have failed to practice verse 19 and have seen the results from verse 20, especially
in the summer, when vacation from school gives Joshua more chances to muddle matters. But
my heart-plugging and Joshua-loving plan gives me speed bumps to help me listen long, save my
words and show him some grace.
regular baby breakdowns when not getting his way. During these down times we would sing our
way out of sorrow and all would be well again (Isaiah 61:3). Somehow I had lost my vision to
teach him how to respond reasonably to hurt and disappointment. I needed him to see love in
what I say and do, so the onus was on me.
First, I apologized for hurting his feelings, told him I could have handled myself differently,
spoken kindly, more gently. I then told him that his life always mattered and that regardless of
what anyone says to him—including me—he always deserves to live. God made him for a
purpose and if he wasn't here, that purpose would never be fulfilled. Joshua believed me, hugged
and thanked me, told me he forgave me and went on his way. I stayed to ponder a plan to plug
my wounded heart so I wouldn't again stab Joshua's in return.
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to
wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20).
Too often I have failed to practice verse 19 and have seen the results from verse 20, especially
in the summer, when vacation from school gives Joshua more chances to muddle matters. But
my heart-plugging and Joshua-loving plan gives me speed bumps to help me listen long, save my
words and show him some grace.
Some parents can count until they are calm or
walk away for a while. And these I suggest, if
they work for you. With each of these, Joshua
thinks I'm ignoring him and this compounds the
present issue and gives me more mending to do.
I, instead, use these love techniques to cover
the multitude of my sons' sins (1 Peter 4:8):
Follow the rules. We have a list of
biblically-based house rules that govern how
my family members conduct ourselves,
individually, with one another and collectively.
All members hold each other accountable. So
the pressure to model and not mess up keeps
me holy (Hebrews 10:24).
walk away for a while. And these I suggest, if
they work for you. With each of these, Joshua
thinks I'm ignoring him and this compounds the
present issue and gives me more mending to do.
I, instead, use these love techniques to cover
the multitude of my sons' sins (1 Peter 4:8):
Follow the rules. We have a list of
biblically-based house rules that govern how
my family members conduct ourselves,
individually, with one another and collectively.
All members hold each other accountable. So
the pressure to model and not mess up keeps
me holy (Hebrews 10:24).
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He probably could argue with the best of
them. My 8 year old is barely old enough to
know what attorneys do, let alone make a
decision to be one. But he can pounce on a
point, take it apart and dare you to put it
back together again. His natural inclination
to understand the making of things, the
sayings of things, has been the bane in my
side, the stabbing of my mommy heart,
drying my wells of love. Many times, I want
to punch him. I don’t. That would be abuse
and definitely unbiblical. But too many times
I have stabbed back with my wretched
tongue and once stung his love of life.
“My heart feels sad. It feels like I don’t want
to live,” he said after some heartless
comment I made. I knew this type of talk. I
had heard similar sounds after I once scolded
him to be a better big brother and another
time when he thought my command was a
suggestion and took his own direction.
them. My 8 year old is barely old enough to
know what attorneys do, let alone make a
decision to be one. But he can pounce on a
point, take it apart and dare you to put it
back together again. His natural inclination
to understand the making of things, the
sayings of things, has been the bane in my
side, the stabbing of my mommy heart,
drying my wells of love. Many times, I want
to punch him. I don’t. That would be abuse
and definitely unbiblical. But too many times
I have stabbed back with my wretched
tongue and once stung his love of life.
“My heart feels sad. It feels like I don’t want
to live,” he said after some heartless
comment I made. I knew this type of talk. I
had heard similar sounds after I once scolded
him to be a better big brother and another
time when he thought my command was a
suggestion and took his own direction.
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