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There’s an old adage which says, “Show me the company you keep and I will show you the direction
of your life.” Yesterday while listening as a client proudly cited her laundry list of reasons why she is
stuck and can’t move forward, I cued in on one of the top quoted sources of a non-productive life. I
know you’ve heard of time-management, right? Well, I’m here to tell you there’s more to it than just
managing your time. It’s more important that you keep others from interrupting your life. More like
people-management. This is the issue that unfortunately has my client mired.
The right friends are essential to our spiritual, physical, emotional and financial well-being. I’ve
learned the people we associate with not only affect our attitude, but our views and beliefs too. On
the surface they may not appear to be a “thorn” in the side, however, if you intentionally pay close
attention to their personality traits, you may discover their toxic behaviors. For several years I
thought my relationship with someone I’ll call “Narcissistic Nellie” was comparable with my life goals
and dreams. She is a good person. However, later on I recognized the one-sided conversations, the
extreme sense of self-importance and belief that the world revolved around her. She was overt about
getting her needs met on many occasions even with my skills and on my time. Oh how I often wanted
to tell her, “It isn’t about you.” And that’s putting it gently.
When you genuinely love people and want to help them, you may not realize the types of
personalities that the enemy sends to interrupt your life, zap your energy leaving nothing left for
yourself. I am so thankful for God’s grace that seamlessly severed my relationship with “Narcissistic
Nellie.” In the book of Proverbs, it states that, “A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really
like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.” (Prov. 27:19). When you choose your friends
consider that you are choosing people who will influence and affect the quality of your life.
There’s no doubt in my mind God sometimes places people in our lives, but for a reason and a season.
We must be cognizant though of the tell-tell signs when this season is over and know when to move
on. There is never the need for a harsh separation. But because you must align yourself with your
divine destiny, you mustn’t allow others to interfere. I am still learning how to navigate the highways
to true friendships. Identifying which types of friends to have in your life and weeding out the bad
ones will set you up to be celebrated and not just tolerated.
I personally want to see each and every one of you living your dreams.
The potential that’s inside of you will blow your mind if you ever get a true view of it. And to think
that a condescending or even undermining personality can just come in, take you off-course and
snuff out the path God has planned for you is painful. This is a delicate area for me. You have
something to give that the world needs. This doesn’t happen only to the Oprah’s and the Bill Gates of
the world! You have greatness within you waiting for your cooperation. And besides, you have the
Greater One inside of you. Anytime I can shed some light on the darkness, I welcome the
opportunity.
All relationships are not equal.
I’ve learned of four types of friendships, and I use “friendships” cautiously. The mistake I’ve made is
not clarifying what level my relationships were on. As a result I expected more or less out of the
relationship than the other person was willing to provide. I’ve ended up hurt by this.
It may be a great exercise for you to discern the types of friends you have by looking at how I’ve
categorized my relationships.
My casual friends are those that I have to often relate to as we share a project or a job but are not
close to in an intimate or personal way.
Close friends warrant a level of intimacy and closeness with me that have been shared in experiences
over time. For example, my girl, Dyanne (it’s her real name). We‘ve been friends since high school.
Although we live in different states, we are extremely close and have or can live in each others home.
I also have covenant friends that were developed and orchestrated by God. I was in a place at the
right time for this relationship to manifest. My friend Veda (it’s her real name) is my covenant friend.
Although we met years after we shared the same church family, our relationship is rare and precious.
God most definitely led her into my life for complementing purposes. We candidly enjoy each other.
And then, of course, there were toxic friendships—the judgmental, doubtful, unappreciative, jealous,
disrespectful, suspect, undermining and the ones always finding fault.
The Bible says “iron sharpens iron.” Good friends should be able to encourage one another and keep
each other accountable and on track. I sincerely believe if you would study the Word of God
diligently, especially in this case the book of Proverbs, you will be able to discern who to include in
your close circle.
God has already chosen the people who will catapult you to the next level. Trust his leading.
Grow your friendships by growing yourself. The test is how each of you feels when one of you
experiences some level of success or promotion. Celebrate the accomplishments of your friends and
don’t be too humble that you cannot communicate openly about the expectations you have for the
relationship. I remember a conversation with Veda where she politely asked, “May I disagree with
you?” She earned my respect for that.
You are probably on a different time-line than your friends.
But know you will remain on God’s time-line if you never allow others to interrupt your life.
Use these guidelines:
When God calls you friend He will stick closer than a brother, and will only interrupt your life for
your perfect good!
I know you have comments and I want to hear from you. You may email me at
dmurpphy@eewmagazine.com or leave me a comment here.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dr. Deana is a Marketplace Minister and founder and CEO of LivingDesigns360, a company that
mentors the kingdom-minded woman in creative ways to renovate and design her interior life so she
can create major breakthroughs, achieve personal accountability, emotional clarity and inner
direction. Also a master lifedesign strategist, speaker, educator, blogger and award winning author,
Dr. Deana’s creative approach embraces techniques from interior design. She takes her 13 years’
experience as a certified interior designer and successfully applies it to the art of Interior Lifedesign,
blending in a focus on personal development and life improvement strategies from head to toe.
Clients work with Dr. Deana through private strategy sessions, workshops, group mentoring
programs, keynotes and retreats. Her mission: to elevate, educate and motivate the Kingdom woman
so she can master her confidence, soar in her freedom and design her best life.
Visit Dr. Deana at deanamurphyglobal.com
Email Deana:
dmurphy@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
of your life.” Yesterday while listening as a client proudly cited her laundry list of reasons why she is
stuck and can’t move forward, I cued in on one of the top quoted sources of a non-productive life. I
know you’ve heard of time-management, right? Well, I’m here to tell you there’s more to it than just
managing your time. It’s more important that you keep others from interrupting your life. More like
people-management. This is the issue that unfortunately has my client mired.
The right friends are essential to our spiritual, physical, emotional and financial well-being. I’ve
learned the people we associate with not only affect our attitude, but our views and beliefs too. On
the surface they may not appear to be a “thorn” in the side, however, if you intentionally pay close
attention to their personality traits, you may discover their toxic behaviors. For several years I
thought my relationship with someone I’ll call “Narcissistic Nellie” was comparable with my life goals
and dreams. She is a good person. However, later on I recognized the one-sided conversations, the
extreme sense of self-importance and belief that the world revolved around her. She was overt about
getting her needs met on many occasions even with my skills and on my time. Oh how I often wanted
to tell her, “It isn’t about you.” And that’s putting it gently.
When you genuinely love people and want to help them, you may not realize the types of
personalities that the enemy sends to interrupt your life, zap your energy leaving nothing left for
yourself. I am so thankful for God’s grace that seamlessly severed my relationship with “Narcissistic
Nellie.” In the book of Proverbs, it states that, “A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really
like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.” (Prov. 27:19). When you choose your friends
consider that you are choosing people who will influence and affect the quality of your life.
There’s no doubt in my mind God sometimes places people in our lives, but for a reason and a season.
We must be cognizant though of the tell-tell signs when this season is over and know when to move
on. There is never the need for a harsh separation. But because you must align yourself with your
divine destiny, you mustn’t allow others to interfere. I am still learning how to navigate the highways
to true friendships. Identifying which types of friends to have in your life and weeding out the bad
ones will set you up to be celebrated and not just tolerated.
I personally want to see each and every one of you living your dreams.
The potential that’s inside of you will blow your mind if you ever get a true view of it. And to think
that a condescending or even undermining personality can just come in, take you off-course and
snuff out the path God has planned for you is painful. This is a delicate area for me. You have
something to give that the world needs. This doesn’t happen only to the Oprah’s and the Bill Gates of
the world! You have greatness within you waiting for your cooperation. And besides, you have the
Greater One inside of you. Anytime I can shed some light on the darkness, I welcome the
opportunity.
All relationships are not equal.
I’ve learned of four types of friendships, and I use “friendships” cautiously. The mistake I’ve made is
not clarifying what level my relationships were on. As a result I expected more or less out of the
relationship than the other person was willing to provide. I’ve ended up hurt by this.
It may be a great exercise for you to discern the types of friends you have by looking at how I’ve
categorized my relationships.
My casual friends are those that I have to often relate to as we share a project or a job but are not
close to in an intimate or personal way.
Close friends warrant a level of intimacy and closeness with me that have been shared in experiences
over time. For example, my girl, Dyanne (it’s her real name). We‘ve been friends since high school.
Although we live in different states, we are extremely close and have or can live in each others home.
I also have covenant friends that were developed and orchestrated by God. I was in a place at the
right time for this relationship to manifest. My friend Veda (it’s her real name) is my covenant friend.
Although we met years after we shared the same church family, our relationship is rare and precious.
God most definitely led her into my life for complementing purposes. We candidly enjoy each other.
And then, of course, there were toxic friendships—the judgmental, doubtful, unappreciative, jealous,
disrespectful, suspect, undermining and the ones always finding fault.
The Bible says “iron sharpens iron.” Good friends should be able to encourage one another and keep
each other accountable and on track. I sincerely believe if you would study the Word of God
diligently, especially in this case the book of Proverbs, you will be able to discern who to include in
your close circle.
God has already chosen the people who will catapult you to the next level. Trust his leading.
Grow your friendships by growing yourself. The test is how each of you feels when one of you
experiences some level of success or promotion. Celebrate the accomplishments of your friends and
don’t be too humble that you cannot communicate openly about the expectations you have for the
relationship. I remember a conversation with Veda where she politely asked, “May I disagree with
you?” She earned my respect for that.
You are probably on a different time-line than your friends.
But know you will remain on God’s time-line if you never allow others to interrupt your life.
Use these guidelines:
- Friends can cause great pain (Psalm 55:12-14)
- Friends love during difficult times (Proverbs 17:17)
- Faithful friends are not common (Proverbs 18:24)
- Friends influence you (Proverbs 22:24-25)
- Friendship is marked by sacrifice (John 15:13-15)
- We can be friends with God (James 2:23)
When God calls you friend He will stick closer than a brother, and will only interrupt your life for
your perfect good!
I know you have comments and I want to hear from you. You may email me at
dmurpphy@eewmagazine.com or leave me a comment here.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dr. Deana is a Marketplace Minister and founder and CEO of LivingDesigns360, a company that
mentors the kingdom-minded woman in creative ways to renovate and design her interior life so she
can create major breakthroughs, achieve personal accountability, emotional clarity and inner
direction. Also a master lifedesign strategist, speaker, educator, blogger and award winning author,
Dr. Deana’s creative approach embraces techniques from interior design. She takes her 13 years’
experience as a certified interior designer and successfully applies it to the art of Interior Lifedesign,
blending in a focus on personal development and life improvement strategies from head to toe.
Clients work with Dr. Deana through private strategy sessions, workshops, group mentoring
programs, keynotes and retreats. Her mission: to elevate, educate and motivate the Kingdom woman
so she can master her confidence, soar in her freedom and design her best life.
Visit Dr. Deana at deanamurphyglobal.com
Email Deana:
dmurphy@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
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