Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
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About the Writer
Bobbi came into my life more than a decade ago when she was 12, still wearing pigtails and a
playful attitude. She attended our church and would hang out at our home many weekends as a
retreat from bickering with her mom and being with her brothers. With no children at the time I
wanted to do with her the girly thing, take her for a manicure and pedicure. She wasn't interested
in this, opting for chipped nails, cable TV and questions about God's word. She was my top Sunday
school student, serving as my assistant in her late teen years, but when she became a senior in high
school she changed. Her clothes became shorter and tighter, her attitude not so bright. She'd fight
against the Word she had come to live and love and wanted to know "Why can’t I be on ‘America’s
Next Top Model’?"
Though Bobbi, now 24, told me her mom and I “did your part. You gave me a great spiritual
foundation,” I had wondered where we might have gone wrong that Bobbi would long for a worldly
path and reject the Word she ministered so effectively. She says she has just made her own
decisions, though she was taught differently. I have had my moments of doubt, but from Bobbi’s
own mouth and the word of God bearing that out, I will teach my sons just what I taught Bobbi
about modesty. It is up to me to present to them the proper choice (Deuteronomy 30:19).
“Focus on internal beauty and the Lord will give her a moldable spirit toward your standards of
modesty and true beauty!” says Dannah Gresh, author of Secret Keeper, a book to help teen girls
understand the power of modesty. Gresh mentions girls but her statement is applicable to boys
when considering this: Modesty is a mindset that manifests in different ways, outer appearance
being just one of them. What children say and do also reflect their level of modesty. All of this
comes from the heart, where real beauty is. We, parents, have to work on shaping our children's
hearts so their minds reflect a grounding in the true nature of modesty.
Webster’s New World Dictionary defines modesty as the “quality or state of having a moderate
opinion of one’s own value, abilities, achievements, etc., not vain or boastful; unassuming;
behaving, dressing, speaking, etc. in a way that is considered proper decent.” A synonym for
modesty is dignity, which means “conduct keeping with one’s position or one’s self-respect.” So
when we consider 1 Timothy 2:8-10 which tells us how to conduct ourselves as godly men and
women, we understand that our modesty should reflect that we understand our position as
servants and God’s position as master. Our appearance—what we wear, say and do—should give
honor to God and not ourselves. We should serve Him with what we wear, say and do. Dressing
revealingly and garishly, speaking grossly and acting outlandishly serve to draw attention to us
and not to God.
We must go beyond the dos and don’ts of modesty, not just telling our children that modesty is
right but not telling them why it is right. The items above can help with that.
Also do the following:
Start young. Children’s hearts are more pliable when young so it’s easier to plant the word of
God, giving it time to grow before they have to face hard tests. Even if our children are older, we
must give them God’s word because of its power to help them distinguish between what they want
and what the Spirit of God would want for them (Psalm 22:6; Hebrews 4:12).
Teach them who they are. Our children may not have yet made a decision to make Jesus their
Lord and Savior but we still must teach them the difference between us and God. Our job is to help
them understand that subjects in a kingdom serve and honor the King. As servants, our
appearance must serve and honor God. That submission is a beautiful sight.
Teach them who they aren’t. Immodesty can put our children in the same category as thugs
and prostitutes (Proverbs 7:10). Though our children may want to be stylish, we have to help them
realize when their desired appearance, whether talk, thought or walk, has crossed into the red light
district. They can be stylish without being revealing and looking like the world (1 John 2:15-16).
Just like with anything, teaching our children modesty won’t happen in an instant. I know I have
my own moments when I want to wear something and the Holy Ghost will ask, “Why do you want
to wear that?” If the thought comes to mind that I know I will get a lot of compliments, I change
that item and opt to wear it on another occasion, either when I know I won’t be easily seen or when
my heart truly desires to simply honor God. This type of self-control is a process, but we must be
diligent to teach our children modesty so they learn discipline and can seek to put the Kingdom
first with their appearance.
What are your thoughts on modesty? Share them with Rhonda at rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
playful attitude. She attended our church and would hang out at our home many weekends as a
retreat from bickering with her mom and being with her brothers. With no children at the time I
wanted to do with her the girly thing, take her for a manicure and pedicure. She wasn't interested
in this, opting for chipped nails, cable TV and questions about God's word. She was my top Sunday
school student, serving as my assistant in her late teen years, but when she became a senior in high
school she changed. Her clothes became shorter and tighter, her attitude not so bright. She'd fight
against the Word she had come to live and love and wanted to know "Why can’t I be on ‘America’s
Next Top Model’?"
Though Bobbi, now 24, told me her mom and I “did your part. You gave me a great spiritual
foundation,” I had wondered where we might have gone wrong that Bobbi would long for a worldly
path and reject the Word she ministered so effectively. She says she has just made her own
decisions, though she was taught differently. I have had my moments of doubt, but from Bobbi’s
own mouth and the word of God bearing that out, I will teach my sons just what I taught Bobbi
about modesty. It is up to me to present to them the proper choice (Deuteronomy 30:19).
“Focus on internal beauty and the Lord will give her a moldable spirit toward your standards of
modesty and true beauty!” says Dannah Gresh, author of Secret Keeper, a book to help teen girls
understand the power of modesty. Gresh mentions girls but her statement is applicable to boys
when considering this: Modesty is a mindset that manifests in different ways, outer appearance
being just one of them. What children say and do also reflect their level of modesty. All of this
comes from the heart, where real beauty is. We, parents, have to work on shaping our children's
hearts so their minds reflect a grounding in the true nature of modesty.
Webster’s New World Dictionary defines modesty as the “quality or state of having a moderate
opinion of one’s own value, abilities, achievements, etc., not vain or boastful; unassuming;
behaving, dressing, speaking, etc. in a way that is considered proper decent.” A synonym for
modesty is dignity, which means “conduct keeping with one’s position or one’s self-respect.” So
when we consider 1 Timothy 2:8-10 which tells us how to conduct ourselves as godly men and
women, we understand that our modesty should reflect that we understand our position as
servants and God’s position as master. Our appearance—what we wear, say and do—should give
honor to God and not ourselves. We should serve Him with what we wear, say and do. Dressing
revealingly and garishly, speaking grossly and acting outlandishly serve to draw attention to us
and not to God.
We must go beyond the dos and don’ts of modesty, not just telling our children that modesty is
right but not telling them why it is right. The items above can help with that.
Also do the following:
Start young. Children’s hearts are more pliable when young so it’s easier to plant the word of
God, giving it time to grow before they have to face hard tests. Even if our children are older, we
must give them God’s word because of its power to help them distinguish between what they want
and what the Spirit of God would want for them (Psalm 22:6; Hebrews 4:12).
Teach them who they are. Our children may not have yet made a decision to make Jesus their
Lord and Savior but we still must teach them the difference between us and God. Our job is to help
them understand that subjects in a kingdom serve and honor the King. As servants, our
appearance must serve and honor God. That submission is a beautiful sight.
Teach them who they aren’t. Immodesty can put our children in the same category as thugs
and prostitutes (Proverbs 7:10). Though our children may want to be stylish, we have to help them
realize when their desired appearance, whether talk, thought or walk, has crossed into the red light
district. They can be stylish without being revealing and looking like the world (1 John 2:15-16).
Just like with anything, teaching our children modesty won’t happen in an instant. I know I have
my own moments when I want to wear something and the Holy Ghost will ask, “Why do you want
to wear that?” If the thought comes to mind that I know I will get a lot of compliments, I change
that item and opt to wear it on another occasion, either when I know I won’t be easily seen or when
my heart truly desires to simply honor God. This type of self-control is a process, but we must be
diligent to teach our children modesty so they learn discipline and can seek to put the Kingdom
first with their appearance.
What are your thoughts on modesty? Share them with Rhonda at rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
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"I will therefore that men pray everywhere,
lifting up holy hands, without wrath and
doubting. In like manner also, that women
adorn themselves in modest apparel, with
shamefacedness and sobriety; not with
braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly
array; but (which becometh women
professing godliness) with good works."
1 Timothy 2:8-10
For many parents it's back to school time.
And if you have teens or tweens you may
have already had the battle of the budget and
the battle to cover the bulging body with
desired school clothes. Shopping can literally
be war, with you fighting to find clothes that
provide proper coverage and convincing
your children to desire decency. While I
don't have teens, my now grown goddaughter
and tween son have caused me to think much
about modesty.
lifting up holy hands, without wrath and
doubting. In like manner also, that women
adorn themselves in modest apparel, with
shamefacedness and sobriety; not with
braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly
array; but (which becometh women
professing godliness) with good works."
1 Timothy 2:8-10
For many parents it's back to school time.
And if you have teens or tweens you may
have already had the battle of the budget and
the battle to cover the bulging body with
desired school clothes. Shopping can literally
be war, with you fighting to find clothes that
provide proper coverage and convincing
your children to desire decency. While I
don't have teens, my now grown goddaughter
and tween son have caused me to think much
about modesty.
| EEWMAGAZINE.COM |
August 16-30