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“If she’d never met and married Bobby Brown, she would have never gotten on those drugs” I heard a
young lady say from a few lanes over as I stood in line at the grocery store. She was having a rather
loud conversation with another lady standing in line with her, who responded “I know that’s right. It’s
a shame that he got her on that stuff, and now she’s dead.”
Though many people across the world share the same feelings as these two women, I thought about
how easy it is to pass the blame to others for the choices we make. But Whitney Houston's good
friend BeBe Winans told CNN's Piers Morgan, "No one is to blame." Although there is power in
persuasion; association brings about assimilation; birds of a feather flock together; and environment
leads to entanglement, at the end of the day we all must make our own choices.
This was a lesson I learned after many years of mistakes and heartaches.
In my lost years – the time I spent doing my own thing – I found it much easier to pass the blame for
the shameful, sinful, silly things I did. My target was my biological father. I blamed him and his
absence from my life for every bad situation I experienced. It was his fault that I was molested; his
fault that I had no self-esteem; his fault that I embraced overtly sexual behaviors and immorality; his
fault that I turned to alcohol and pornography; and his fault that I never knew how a man was really
supposed to love me. He was to blame for everything, because I felt that had he been there for me, I
wouldn’t have encountered any of those things; and consequently I wouldn’t have turned into a
wayward woman.
Putting the blame on him took the responsibility of owning up to my part in my demise off of me. I
mean who really wants to say that they are responsible for the downward spiral their life has taken? I
surely didn’t. I didn’t realize it then, but I had taken on a victim’s mentality – one that blames others
for their misfortune, bad choices, etc. – and excused myself from looking internally. Instead I
pointed the finger externally, and took no responsibility for my own choices and actions. My victim
mentality kept me bound and stuck in a bubble of helplessness and hopelessness. And as long as I
failed to own up to my own role in the choices I made, I could never come out of my dungeon of
despair. In fact, I couldn’t even ask God for help, because I was unable to confess my sins.
Thankfully, the Lord has since promoted me from victim to victor. It was definitely a process to
change my mentality, but forgiving my father played a huge role in getting over that hurdle. Once I
let go of feeling like he owed me something for not being there for me, and accepted it for what it was,
the Lord helped me to overcome my bitterness, take the blame off of him, and place it upon myself.
Not in a condemning way, (According to Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation to those who are in
Christ.) but in a way that helped me to examine myself, own my choices, and, in time, move forward.
Galatians 6:5 NLT says, “For we are each responsible for own conduct.” I believe this scripture
clearly tells us that we are responsible – good or bad. When we stand before the Lord in judgment,
none of us will get by with blaming others for the choices we made. So let’s not do it now. When you
look at the struggles, issues, or setbacks in your life, before pointing out what others may have done
to contribute to your situation, take a moment to look inward and assess how you can own the
choices you may have made that led to the problem. As you go forward, pray for wisdom and
strength to make better decisions. One thing I had to learn is this - You can't blame others for your
problems forever. At some point you have to take ownership of your role in your issues, deal with it
head on, and, with God’s grace, move forward.
Life is too short and your purpose is far too great for you to get stuck in playing the role of the
victim. And that’s exactly where the enemy would love for you to be. Today, I encourage you to
choose to be a victor in every area of your life, and pray that the Lord will transform you by the
renewing of your mind.
When you release blame and forgive, you are empowered to take ownership and change your life
through the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s never easy to take a close look at inward imperfections, but
the Lord’s grace will carry you through the process.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
lcollins@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
LaKeisha Rainey-Collins, freelance writer and professional editor, is a wife and mom of three sons.
LaKeisha is the owner & operator of LRC Editing, a Christian writing business specializing in
proofreading, editing, ghostwriting, copywriting, and transcription services geared towards helping
small business owners, self-published authors, non-profit and ministry leaders, and individuals reach
their writing goals. She shares editing/writing tips on her business blog.
LaKeisha is also an inspirational blogger who enjoys sharing encouraging messages with everyday
women. Check out her blog, Real Woman, Real God.
Visit Lakeisha on Facebook.
young lady say from a few lanes over as I stood in line at the grocery store. She was having a rather
loud conversation with another lady standing in line with her, who responded “I know that’s right. It’s
a shame that he got her on that stuff, and now she’s dead.”
Though many people across the world share the same feelings as these two women, I thought about
how easy it is to pass the blame to others for the choices we make. But Whitney Houston's good
friend BeBe Winans told CNN's Piers Morgan, "No one is to blame." Although there is power in
persuasion; association brings about assimilation; birds of a feather flock together; and environment
leads to entanglement, at the end of the day we all must make our own choices.
This was a lesson I learned after many years of mistakes and heartaches.
In my lost years – the time I spent doing my own thing – I found it much easier to pass the blame for
the shameful, sinful, silly things I did. My target was my biological father. I blamed him and his
absence from my life for every bad situation I experienced. It was his fault that I was molested; his
fault that I had no self-esteem; his fault that I embraced overtly sexual behaviors and immorality; his
fault that I turned to alcohol and pornography; and his fault that I never knew how a man was really
supposed to love me. He was to blame for everything, because I felt that had he been there for me, I
wouldn’t have encountered any of those things; and consequently I wouldn’t have turned into a
wayward woman.
Putting the blame on him took the responsibility of owning up to my part in my demise off of me. I
mean who really wants to say that they are responsible for the downward spiral their life has taken? I
surely didn’t. I didn’t realize it then, but I had taken on a victim’s mentality – one that blames others
for their misfortune, bad choices, etc. – and excused myself from looking internally. Instead I
pointed the finger externally, and took no responsibility for my own choices and actions. My victim
mentality kept me bound and stuck in a bubble of helplessness and hopelessness. And as long as I
failed to own up to my own role in the choices I made, I could never come out of my dungeon of
despair. In fact, I couldn’t even ask God for help, because I was unable to confess my sins.
Thankfully, the Lord has since promoted me from victim to victor. It was definitely a process to
change my mentality, but forgiving my father played a huge role in getting over that hurdle. Once I
let go of feeling like he owed me something for not being there for me, and accepted it for what it was,
the Lord helped me to overcome my bitterness, take the blame off of him, and place it upon myself.
Not in a condemning way, (According to Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation to those who are in
Christ.) but in a way that helped me to examine myself, own my choices, and, in time, move forward.
Galatians 6:5 NLT says, “For we are each responsible for own conduct.” I believe this scripture
clearly tells us that we are responsible – good or bad. When we stand before the Lord in judgment,
none of us will get by with blaming others for the choices we made. So let’s not do it now. When you
look at the struggles, issues, or setbacks in your life, before pointing out what others may have done
to contribute to your situation, take a moment to look inward and assess how you can own the
choices you may have made that led to the problem. As you go forward, pray for wisdom and
strength to make better decisions. One thing I had to learn is this - You can't blame others for your
problems forever. At some point you have to take ownership of your role in your issues, deal with it
head on, and, with God’s grace, move forward.
Life is too short and your purpose is far too great for you to get stuck in playing the role of the
victim. And that’s exactly where the enemy would love for you to be. Today, I encourage you to
choose to be a victor in every area of your life, and pray that the Lord will transform you by the
renewing of your mind.
When you release blame and forgive, you are empowered to take ownership and change your life
through the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s never easy to take a close look at inward imperfections, but
the Lord’s grace will carry you through the process.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
lcollins@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
LaKeisha Rainey-Collins, freelance writer and professional editor, is a wife and mom of three sons.
LaKeisha is the owner & operator of LRC Editing, a Christian writing business specializing in
proofreading, editing, ghostwriting, copywriting, and transcription services geared towards helping
small business owners, self-published authors, non-profit and ministry leaders, and individuals reach
their writing goals. She shares editing/writing tips on her business blog.
LaKeisha is also an inspirational blogger who enjoys sharing encouraging messages with everyday
women. Check out her blog, Real Woman, Real God.
Visit Lakeisha on Facebook.
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FEBRUARY 27-MARCH 12 EEW MAGAZINE