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FEBRUARY 13-27 2012 EEW MAGAZINE
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We had practiced hard and long. Joshua, 6, knew what three moves he would do for his gymnastics
showcase. The day of the presentation he was confident, said he was ready, and then the excitement
began.
The older boys, more experienced, more advanced, went before his class. They did flips, forward
and backward, and even multiple ones. They fascinated Josh and he wanted to be just like them, not
in the future but on this day, his presentation day, so he decided to try his hand at their performance.
He went to the mat, started in the right position and then the convulsions began. He looked like he
was slam dancing with the floor and had really bad body ticks. After a few body slams, he ran off the
mat. He was done. I was disappointed and soooooooooo embarrassed, but he was my child and I
couldn’t let my embarrassment distance myself from him especially with the extreme comments
from two other parents. One tried to tell me he did a great job while the other said with pity, “You
have a busy boy there, don’t you? You must get really tired.” In that span of three minutes I learned
the important balancing act of encouraging my children even when they do something humiliating or
horrendous, whether age 6 or 36.
Consider the mother hen who takes her chicks under her wings. Being that close she can shield them
from external forces and comfort them in her bosom. Though being called a mother hen
stereotypically gets us a bad rep as a nagging, overbearing mother, I want us to see that a mother hen
does what is necessary for her chicks to fly on their own. Like the mother hen, we have to have our
children close enough to shield and comfort them. When the time comes for the hard word when they
mess up, our children have the memory of the shielding and comforting mom and can realize the
encouragement even in the rebuke, if we handle them with care.
No matter the situation, we mothers are always to nurture our children, closely teaching and
correcting them with biblical principles, showing them affection and genuine concern for their
welfare and providing for their needs. Their needs, as you know, go beyond the physical and spiritual
and include the emotional. And their emotional part—that can ebb and flow from day to day—is what
I’m referring to that needs encouragement. Considering my children’s emotional needs is something I
know I constantly have to work on. I have a tendency to cut to the chase with all my children,
whether it’s the two-year-old of little understanding, the four-year-old with the tough exterior or the
nine-year-old with the tender heart. You may also cut to the chase, not considering the emotional
needs of the child before you, but I am learning to tailor my encouragement based on the child.
Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”
What we say and how we say what we say can surely make the difference in a child being encouraged
or discouraged. So here are some tips that can help you encourage your child in a way they are sure
to feel encouraged:
Store up love and comfort before your children mess up. I know many of my EEW readers
do this. You kiss and hug your children; give them words of affirmation; teach them what the word of
God says about them; and speak the word of God over their lives in everyday conversation and in
your prayers for them. Children who get love and comfort like this know they are the apple of their
parents’ eyes and are encouraged to conquer just about anything.
Shore up your love for your children when they have messed up. Remind them that you
will always love them and tell them what God thinks about them. Tell them that God created them to
be godly, which includes having excellent behavior that stems from excellent character and your role
is to help them to achieve those. The intent is to soften the blow that the rebuke will bring, helping
them to remember their inner worth that doesn’t change because of their outer works.
Train up your children to see the wrong in their behavior, understand what they
could have done differently and help them with methods for choosing right the next
time. Encourage them to rise to the occasion. You have already reminded them who they are
prophetically now is the time to coach them on walking it out. Go into that mother reservoir of
protection and cultivating potential. There’s a difference between saying “Son, you messed up” and
“Boy, what’s wrong with you? Why do you keep….?” The goal is to encourage their hearts and not
crush their spirit. We want our children whole, not hurt, when they get to the battlefield of life
outside our purview.
Check up on external forces. Here is where you put the naysayers in their place.
Others may not acknowledge your children’s worth and potential. That’s okay because that’s your
job. What’s not okay is for them to treat your children harshly based on how they view them.
Knowing that mama has their back and just won’t allow people to mistreat them based on a character
flaw, behavior issue or any other reason gives children great encouragement.
Point up to the Eternal One. Jesus will always be there to perfectly encourage our
children. Once they belong to God, He is faithful and will never leave them or forget about them,
even when we do (1 John 1:9; Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 27:10). God is where our children will always find
love and comfort when we fail to give them either.
Our job is to encourage our children during good and bad situations. Undoubtedly the bad is a more
challenging proposition but can be done. After Joshua’s gymnastics fiasco I told his naysayer that
Joshua does have a lot of energy but God gives us all the grace we need. He turned red and headed
away from me. I then told Joshua that I was proud that he was not afraid and that he was daring to try
some new moves, but those weren’t the moves that we practiced, moves that he was responsible for
doing. I reminded him that doing what he had been assigned was his obligation and doing otherwise
was disobedience. He understood, apologized and went on his way. Rebukes are not always that easy
or don’t always turn out that well, but we still have the job to encourage our children in such a way
that puts the Kingdom first.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-
time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her
Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State
University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune,
Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries,
and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She,
her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
showcase. The day of the presentation he was confident, said he was ready, and then the excitement
began.
The older boys, more experienced, more advanced, went before his class. They did flips, forward
and backward, and even multiple ones. They fascinated Josh and he wanted to be just like them, not
in the future but on this day, his presentation day, so he decided to try his hand at their performance.
He went to the mat, started in the right position and then the convulsions began. He looked like he
was slam dancing with the floor and had really bad body ticks. After a few body slams, he ran off the
mat. He was done. I was disappointed and soooooooooo embarrassed, but he was my child and I
couldn’t let my embarrassment distance myself from him especially with the extreme comments
from two other parents. One tried to tell me he did a great job while the other said with pity, “You
have a busy boy there, don’t you? You must get really tired.” In that span of three minutes I learned
the important balancing act of encouraging my children even when they do something humiliating or
horrendous, whether age 6 or 36.
Consider the mother hen who takes her chicks under her wings. Being that close she can shield them
from external forces and comfort them in her bosom. Though being called a mother hen
stereotypically gets us a bad rep as a nagging, overbearing mother, I want us to see that a mother hen
does what is necessary for her chicks to fly on their own. Like the mother hen, we have to have our
children close enough to shield and comfort them. When the time comes for the hard word when they
mess up, our children have the memory of the shielding and comforting mom and can realize the
encouragement even in the rebuke, if we handle them with care.
No matter the situation, we mothers are always to nurture our children, closely teaching and
correcting them with biblical principles, showing them affection and genuine concern for their
welfare and providing for their needs. Their needs, as you know, go beyond the physical and spiritual
and include the emotional. And their emotional part—that can ebb and flow from day to day—is what
I’m referring to that needs encouragement. Considering my children’s emotional needs is something I
know I constantly have to work on. I have a tendency to cut to the chase with all my children,
whether it’s the two-year-old of little understanding, the four-year-old with the tough exterior or the
nine-year-old with the tender heart. You may also cut to the chase, not considering the emotional
needs of the child before you, but I am learning to tailor my encouragement based on the child.
Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”
What we say and how we say what we say can surely make the difference in a child being encouraged
or discouraged. So here are some tips that can help you encourage your child in a way they are sure
to feel encouraged:
Store up love and comfort before your children mess up. I know many of my EEW readers
do this. You kiss and hug your children; give them words of affirmation; teach them what the word of
God says about them; and speak the word of God over their lives in everyday conversation and in
your prayers for them. Children who get love and comfort like this know they are the apple of their
parents’ eyes and are encouraged to conquer just about anything.
Shore up your love for your children when they have messed up. Remind them that you
will always love them and tell them what God thinks about them. Tell them that God created them to
be godly, which includes having excellent behavior that stems from excellent character and your role
is to help them to achieve those. The intent is to soften the blow that the rebuke will bring, helping
them to remember their inner worth that doesn’t change because of their outer works.
Train up your children to see the wrong in their behavior, understand what they
could have done differently and help them with methods for choosing right the next
time. Encourage them to rise to the occasion. You have already reminded them who they are
prophetically now is the time to coach them on walking it out. Go into that mother reservoir of
protection and cultivating potential. There’s a difference between saying “Son, you messed up” and
“Boy, what’s wrong with you? Why do you keep….?” The goal is to encourage their hearts and not
crush their spirit. We want our children whole, not hurt, when they get to the battlefield of life
outside our purview.
Check up on external forces. Here is where you put the naysayers in their place.
Others may not acknowledge your children’s worth and potential. That’s okay because that’s your
job. What’s not okay is for them to treat your children harshly based on how they view them.
Knowing that mama has their back and just won’t allow people to mistreat them based on a character
flaw, behavior issue or any other reason gives children great encouragement.
Point up to the Eternal One. Jesus will always be there to perfectly encourage our
children. Once they belong to God, He is faithful and will never leave them or forget about them,
even when we do (1 John 1:9; Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 27:10). God is where our children will always find
love and comfort when we fail to give them either.
Our job is to encourage our children during good and bad situations. Undoubtedly the bad is a more
challenging proposition but can be done. After Joshua’s gymnastics fiasco I told his naysayer that
Joshua does have a lot of energy but God gives us all the grace we need. He turned red and headed
away from me. I then told Joshua that I was proud that he was not afraid and that he was daring to try
some new moves, but those weren’t the moves that we practiced, moves that he was responsible for
doing. I reminded him that doing what he had been assigned was his obligation and doing otherwise
was disobedience. He understood, apologized and went on his way. Rebukes are not always that easy
or don’t always turn out that well, but we still have the job to encourage our children in such a way
that puts the Kingdom first.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-
time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her
Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State
University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune,
Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries,
and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She,
her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com