If our children could articulate their feelings of envy, perhaps they would say it like that. Many of
them don’t know what drives them to hate other children or other children to hate them, but
mostly envy is the source behind it all. And when you have envy, all other evil is possible:
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.—
James 3:16
That’s why Cain killed Abel, Sarah despised Hagar, Rachel competed with Leah and Korah rose up
against Moses. Envy is why in 6th grade I fought Aisha, in 7th grade Lauren lied about me and in
8th grade Susan talked bad about me. Envy is why my friend’s colleague didn’t congratulate her
when she got tenure AND why I had a hard time telling my friend to treat that woman like a good
Christian should. Envy makes you do wrong and keeps you from doing right. So combating envy is
one of the Christian’s greatest lines of defense against ungodly behavior. If we can help our
children in this area we will help bring order to their lives and deter them from practicing other
forms of evil.
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.—Proverbs 14:30
This scripture is not literal, but the metaphor lets us know that peace allows a life to flourish and
envy immobilizes, keeping our children from the life God intends for them to have. If we consider
the biblical and real-life culprits mentioned above, we see that instead of living a well-intentioned
life, envy causes energy to be spent on plotting, hating, unhealthy competition, insurrection,
fighting, lying, bad language, avoidance and vengeance. And though this list is long and bad we
know that this is not exhaustive because James 3:16 says “every evil practice” (emphasis mine).
When we tackle envy, we get rid of the list and the other innumerable ones.
Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not
in strife and envy.—Romans 13:13
So what does it take for us to help our children walk properly for all to see instead of in the dark
realm of envy and every evil practice? Proverbs 14:30 says developing a heart of peace is key. We
can do this in our children spiritually and practically:
Teach them about Jesus. Ephesians 2:14 says that Jesus is our peace. He was the only one
who could reconcile us back to God the Father and is the only one who can help us live a life of
peace.
Teach them to be spiritually-minded (Romans 8:6). This, of course, incorporates much,
but Paul sums up spiritually-minded as this: “Whatever you have learned or received or heard
from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:
9). Some specifics include 1) being prayerful (Philippians 4:6-7); 2) rejoicing with those who
rejoice (Romans 12:15); 3) mourning with those who mourn (Romans 12:15); and 4) honoring
others above themselves (Romans 12:10).
Teach them to appreciate how God made them (Psalm 139:14). Oftentimes envy comes
when we feel bad about who we are because we don’t truly know who we are. There is a reason we
look the way we do and have the strengths, gifts and talents we have. We were all made to give God
glory (Revelation 4:11). We have to work with our children to help them see that they were
fearfully and wonderfully made, created to glorify God and their makeup enables them to do so in
a unique way. We can observe our children’s makeup and place them around people and activities
that will play up their strengths and cultivate their purpose.
Teach them to combat cruelty. We all know there has been a proliferation in the intensity of
bullying, and bullies’ main targets are often those who standout as different and are those that
bullies, who are insecure, envy. These are not reasons we should encourage our children to tone
down their uniqueness. Instead, when they learn to appreciate how God made them, they can stand
firm in who they are. EEW marriage columnist Dr. Michelle T. Johnson said a little girl told her 5-
year-old daughter that they couldn’t be sisters because they had different skin tones. Her daughter
responded, “That doesn’t matter.” Her daughter’s response displayed great courage and strength.
Though we know cruelty can be direct name calling and hitting, where the intervention of an adult
may be necessary, our children can diffuse bullying with traditional methods, like hanging with a
buddy and speaking firmly against the bully’s actions, including sharing what appropriate
measures will be taken to get them to stop. As we seek to put the Kingdom first in our parenting, we
should encourage our children to try supernatural methods too, like blessing those who persecute
them (Romans 12:14). This is definitely not a response bullies expect and can disarm them. This
method is something we have to work through with our children, though, so they don’t
compromise who they are or their values, aren’t taken advantage of and know they are being kind
because God commands them to be so.
If we follow God’s plans for helping our children tackle envy, we can make a major contribution
toward eradicating evil works, keeping the Kingdom first.
What are your thoughts ? Share them with Rhonda at rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
them don’t know what drives them to hate other children or other children to hate them, but
mostly envy is the source behind it all. And when you have envy, all other evil is possible:
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.—
James 3:16
That’s why Cain killed Abel, Sarah despised Hagar, Rachel competed with Leah and Korah rose up
against Moses. Envy is why in 6th grade I fought Aisha, in 7th grade Lauren lied about me and in
8th grade Susan talked bad about me. Envy is why my friend’s colleague didn’t congratulate her
when she got tenure AND why I had a hard time telling my friend to treat that woman like a good
Christian should. Envy makes you do wrong and keeps you from doing right. So combating envy is
one of the Christian’s greatest lines of defense against ungodly behavior. If we can help our
children in this area we will help bring order to their lives and deter them from practicing other
forms of evil.
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.—Proverbs 14:30
This scripture is not literal, but the metaphor lets us know that peace allows a life to flourish and
envy immobilizes, keeping our children from the life God intends for them to have. If we consider
the biblical and real-life culprits mentioned above, we see that instead of living a well-intentioned
life, envy causes energy to be spent on plotting, hating, unhealthy competition, insurrection,
fighting, lying, bad language, avoidance and vengeance. And though this list is long and bad we
know that this is not exhaustive because James 3:16 says “every evil practice” (emphasis mine).
When we tackle envy, we get rid of the list and the other innumerable ones.
Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not
in strife and envy.—Romans 13:13
So what does it take for us to help our children walk properly for all to see instead of in the dark
realm of envy and every evil practice? Proverbs 14:30 says developing a heart of peace is key. We
can do this in our children spiritually and practically:
Teach them about Jesus. Ephesians 2:14 says that Jesus is our peace. He was the only one
who could reconcile us back to God the Father and is the only one who can help us live a life of
peace.
Teach them to be spiritually-minded (Romans 8:6). This, of course, incorporates much,
but Paul sums up spiritually-minded as this: “Whatever you have learned or received or heard
from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:
9). Some specifics include 1) being prayerful (Philippians 4:6-7); 2) rejoicing with those who
rejoice (Romans 12:15); 3) mourning with those who mourn (Romans 12:15); and 4) honoring
others above themselves (Romans 12:10).
Teach them to appreciate how God made them (Psalm 139:14). Oftentimes envy comes
when we feel bad about who we are because we don’t truly know who we are. There is a reason we
look the way we do and have the strengths, gifts and talents we have. We were all made to give God
glory (Revelation 4:11). We have to work with our children to help them see that they were
fearfully and wonderfully made, created to glorify God and their makeup enables them to do so in
a unique way. We can observe our children’s makeup and place them around people and activities
that will play up their strengths and cultivate their purpose.
Teach them to combat cruelty. We all know there has been a proliferation in the intensity of
bullying, and bullies’ main targets are often those who standout as different and are those that
bullies, who are insecure, envy. These are not reasons we should encourage our children to tone
down their uniqueness. Instead, when they learn to appreciate how God made them, they can stand
firm in who they are. EEW marriage columnist Dr. Michelle T. Johnson said a little girl told her 5-
year-old daughter that they couldn’t be sisters because they had different skin tones. Her daughter
responded, “That doesn’t matter.” Her daughter’s response displayed great courage and strength.
Though we know cruelty can be direct name calling and hitting, where the intervention of an adult
may be necessary, our children can diffuse bullying with traditional methods, like hanging with a
buddy and speaking firmly against the bully’s actions, including sharing what appropriate
measures will be taken to get them to stop. As we seek to put the Kingdom first in our parenting, we
should encourage our children to try supernatural methods too, like blessing those who persecute
them (Romans 12:14). This is definitely not a response bullies expect and can disarm them. This
method is something we have to work through with our children, though, so they don’t
compromise who they are or their values, aren’t taken advantage of and know they are being kind
because God commands them to be so.
If we follow God’s plans for helping our children tackle envy, we can make a major contribution
toward eradicating evil works, keeping the Kingdom first.
What are your thoughts ? Share them with Rhonda at rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
instructor & communications coordinator
turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The
writing of this committed wife and mother
who earned her Bachelor’s degree in
journalism and a Master’s degree in
communication from Wayne State University,
Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit
News, Newsday (New York), Chicago
Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry
functions, writes and edits newsletters for
Christian ministries, and teaches public
speaking workshops. Three times a week,
she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her
blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black
Woman. She, her husband and three sons
attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where
they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
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September 13-27
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I saw her, sitting alone, that girl with the
long pigtails. I wanted to be her friend but
the green in me stopped me from saying
hi, giving a wave and a smile, being
friendly. I wanted to be her; I knew I
couldn’t so I kept her at a distance,
frowned at her existence, hoping she’d feel
as miserable about her as I did about me.
long pigtails. I wanted to be her friend but
the green in me stopped me from saying
hi, giving a wave and a smile, being
friendly. I wanted to be her; I knew I
couldn’t so I kept her at a distance,
frowned at her existence, hoping she’d feel
as miserable about her as I did about me.
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