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When I became a parent almost 10 years ago, apprehensive and unsure, I looked for sound advice—
biblical and practical—from just about anyone. I was counting on others’ years of experience and
success to build for me a strong foundation. People gave and I took in all I could about dealing with
sickness, sleep patterns, personality issues, spiritual diets, social activities, academic pursuits and, as
I’m sure you know, much more. But what took me longer to receive were words from those folks who
before giving me any advice (or command) had to tell me in one way or another “Been there, done
that.”
Oh, this bothered me and still does. No matter how long you have been a parent, some people when
they find out they have been parenting longer than you feel the need to tell you how much more
advanced they are in parenting: “I’m so glad I’m beyond that stage;” “I remember that time. God
bless you;” and “My kids are grown and gone, thank God” are just some of the phrases people use to
knowingly or unknowingly put you in your parenting place. I don’t know if their pitting is to outshine
you, seek accolades from you or is just over-exuberance about God taking them through a parenting
season they just didn’t enjoy. Whatever the case, I was only able to “get over” these types of
statements when God brought to mind 1 Timothy 4:12:
“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in
love, in faith, in purity.” Though the Apostle Paul was telling young pastor Timothy this about being
the shepherd of a church, this applies to us parents as we shepherd our children. Paul had to tell
Timothy not to let anyone despise him for his youth because that is the nature of humankind. Some
have a hard time respecting a person’s position, even if it’s a God-ordained position like parent, and
when that person is young, people tend to discount her. With parenting, young doesn’t have to just
mean by way of years but could be in handling a certain area, like discipline or biblical instruction. A
mother may be good at teaching her child Bible lessons but is struggling with teaching him manners;
she is a youth with teaching character development.
Parents who don’t seem to understand how a mother is doing so well in one area and not in another
may despise that mother’s youth in her area of struggle. If you despise a young parent, cut it out.
Make a habit of not using those “been there, done that” statements. Be that Titus 2 woman and teach
the younger women. Be affirming and not adversarial. Teach her in love, not belittlement.
To the young parents, whatever your parenting youth issue no one has the right to despise you.
Though you may want to dismiss your parenting nemesis in word or deed, the Bible doesn’t give us
that option. We do, however, have the blueprint Paul gave Timothy and this is how we should model
our attitude and behavior:
Historically, I have had a quick tongue, lashing out when people say the most ridiculous things to me.
Overall, I have that flesh aspect under control, but when parental despisement comes I have
struggled. When remembering 1 Timothy 4:12, I have been able to focus on my call and my walk in
parenting and respond to my despisers biblically. Following God’s word is the only way we can focus
where we should and that is on keeping the kingdom first.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-
time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her
Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State
University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune,
Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries,
and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She,
her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
biblical and practical—from just about anyone. I was counting on others’ years of experience and
success to build for me a strong foundation. People gave and I took in all I could about dealing with
sickness, sleep patterns, personality issues, spiritual diets, social activities, academic pursuits and, as
I’m sure you know, much more. But what took me longer to receive were words from those folks who
before giving me any advice (or command) had to tell me in one way or another “Been there, done
that.”
Oh, this bothered me and still does. No matter how long you have been a parent, some people when
they find out they have been parenting longer than you feel the need to tell you how much more
advanced they are in parenting: “I’m so glad I’m beyond that stage;” “I remember that time. God
bless you;” and “My kids are grown and gone, thank God” are just some of the phrases people use to
knowingly or unknowingly put you in your parenting place. I don’t know if their pitting is to outshine
you, seek accolades from you or is just over-exuberance about God taking them through a parenting
season they just didn’t enjoy. Whatever the case, I was only able to “get over” these types of
statements when God brought to mind 1 Timothy 4:12:
“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in
love, in faith, in purity.” Though the Apostle Paul was telling young pastor Timothy this about being
the shepherd of a church, this applies to us parents as we shepherd our children. Paul had to tell
Timothy not to let anyone despise him for his youth because that is the nature of humankind. Some
have a hard time respecting a person’s position, even if it’s a God-ordained position like parent, and
when that person is young, people tend to discount her. With parenting, young doesn’t have to just
mean by way of years but could be in handling a certain area, like discipline or biblical instruction. A
mother may be good at teaching her child Bible lessons but is struggling with teaching him manners;
she is a youth with teaching character development.
Parents who don’t seem to understand how a mother is doing so well in one area and not in another
may despise that mother’s youth in her area of struggle. If you despise a young parent, cut it out.
Make a habit of not using those “been there, done that” statements. Be that Titus 2 woman and teach
the younger women. Be affirming and not adversarial. Teach her in love, not belittlement.
To the young parents, whatever your parenting youth issue no one has the right to despise you.
Though you may want to dismiss your parenting nemesis in word or deed, the Bible doesn’t give us
that option. We do, however, have the blueprint Paul gave Timothy and this is how we should model
our attitude and behavior:
- 1) Let no one despise you for your youth. As a parent we have to remember that our
position is God-ordained and therefore God has chosen us to parent the children He has given
us. We are uniquely positioned to parent our children for God’s purposes. He wants to equip us
to fulfill His calling on our lives to our children. So whether we are new to parenting or only
new to a parenting situation God will help us. Trust that He will speak to you through prayer,
the Bible, a TV show, a trusted friend or a complete stranger. God will give you everything you
need to take you through every parenting season. With this in mind, you can be confident
when someone despises your youth, including your children. People looking at your children
with disdain can happen as a result of them despising your parenting and the results (like poor
behavior) in your children. You protect your child from feeling like they are inherently
hopeless and forever doomed to failure when you look to God and not the despisers. God
created your children for you and has all your answers for how to parent them. Be diligent in
seeking the Lord on behalf of your parenting and your children and I know you will see a
change for the better.
2) Be an example for believers. What we say and do and specifically how we love, and
exhibit our faith and purity will show how believers are to treat others, even those who despise
us. We must season our speech with salt, be kind in our actions, give others what they need
based on God’s standards and not the conditions (love), share the necessity of trusting in God
(faith) and strive for sinlessness in our lives (purity). So if someone says to you “I feel for you,
girl. I’m so glad I’m past that stage” you might respond “Yes, this is difficult and seemingly
impossible if I don’t stay focused on Jesus and the power that He has given me to parent my
children. You got past this stage. How did you do it?” With that, you would have been gentle in
your speech and kind in your actions, shown love in spite her lacking the Fruit of the Spirit,
and helpful in directing her to focus on trusting in God, all of which exhibit purity.
Historically, I have had a quick tongue, lashing out when people say the most ridiculous things to me.
Overall, I have that flesh aspect under control, but when parental despisement comes I have
struggled. When remembering 1 Timothy 4:12, I have been able to focus on my call and my walk in
parenting and respond to my despisers biblically. Following God’s word is the only way we can focus
where we should and that is on keeping the kingdom first.
Enjoyed this article? Tell the writer by leaving a comment here or sending an email to
rhonda@eewmagazine.com.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-
time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her
Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State
University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune,
Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries,
and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's
strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She,
her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
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MARCH 12-26 EEW MAGAZINE