Matthew's mother is an attractive woman with so much going for her...so her son can't help but
wonder, "Why can't she just get over it?"
"Get over it" is a phrase that is often tossed around with ease, as if moving on is simple. But the
truth is that saying it is the only easy thing about the process. In fact, when we usually tell
someone else to do it, we are really saying, "Enough already. Why can’t you understand that it is
over?”
As spectators we clearly see the futility of harping on things that can't be changed. But when you
are the one hanging on...you feel as if you are dealing with something that still has life left in it.
Whatever "it" is that you are holding on to still speaks to you in the present tense. Getting over it
just doesn't feel right. It feels like quitting…or losing… or being punked!
But the truth is ...it's been dead a long time. The only life left is the one it is stealing from you. It is
time to feed your thoughts and emotions the truth they need for closure.
The key to getting over it is understanding that some things are needed. It is not a suggestion or an
option. It is a must in order to close the door on the past. Until you do these things it is like dating
without being divorced, your relationship with the past will have the ability and potential to
disrupt your future.
In order for you to be fully present in your life right now, you must:
1. Admit how much you want it: As a child I use to psyche myself into dealing with
disappointment by shrugging my shoulders and claiming that I never really wanted what I couldn't
have in the first place. I thought that if I could "act" like it didn't matter, it wouldn't. This is not
letting go, it is lying to yourself! In the end, pretense will only leave you filled with longings. The
danger is that you will eventually train yourself to not want anything for fear of being
disappointed.
You can't get over it, until you admit to yourself how much something or someone meant to you.
Denial is the seed that grows into delusion. You can’t live your life if you are out of touch with the
way things really are!
2. Accept that you can’t have it!: Hope deferred makes the heart sick! Sick hopes defer life!
Matthew’s mom needs to accept that her ex is happily married and building a life with someone
else. She can’t go back to the past and he is no longer her husband.
The human mind is a powerful tool that God gives us to experience victory. Yet, it is the very
place the enemy first attacks when gunning for our defeat. Your mind will play all kinds of tricks
on you, reading and believing things that are no longer there.
Take your life off the hold button and realize that life is passing you by right now. Whether it is
lost love or a betrayal—you can’t go back into time and fix things. You’ve already done what
you’ve done. When God looked for Adam in the garden, he didn’t ask…"Where were you?” He
asked him, “Where are you?”
It doesn’t matter what could have been, you must deal with what it is. No matter how sad or angry
it makes you feel, you must make peace with your present situation. Acceptance gives you the
power to decide what comes next!
3. Admit it wasn’t all that you made it!: Matthew’s mother has spent over twenty years
grieving a marriage that was unhealthy and bordered on abusive. Yet, in her remake of the past
she’s managed to idolize her unfaithful ex into the ideal man. So much so that her dates have to
measure up to him. It’s funny how we make our minds play tricks on us!
Sometimes it is hard to get over something, because we’ve convinced ourselves that it was better
than where we are right now. The belief that it was better is not necessarily rooted in reality. It is
more so rooted in the fact that we already know the outcome. The past seems better because of
the uncertainty of the future. Yesterday is a done deal, but we don’t know if tomorrow holds joy,
success or more pain. It is the fear of the pain that is keeping you from stepping forward!
The only place to end up when you start with a lie is at a bigger and more painful one. See your
past for what it was and believe that from glory to glory is His promise.
4. Change lanes!: A stroll down memory lane can be a great thing. The trick is that when you
are too close to where you just left…you could end up back where you were. Your past has a
significant role to play in your life, but when issues are still too painful it is best to just keep
looking ahead. When you are tempted to remember, you must consciously choose a different
thought. The day will come when you can look back without the pain or danger of moving
backwards, but until that day...it is best to set your mind on the road to your future. What was
can’t be changed, what will be is in His hands…but what is…now that is your responsibility!
Live It! You know what you are struggling to get over. It is a reference point in your life that you
keep going back to like an established landmark. Spend a few minutes and journal what your life
will be like six months from now if you don’t address it. Then spend a few more minutes journaling
what life could be like if you do! Using steps 1-3 as your guide, have a heart-to-heart with yourself
and journey through the pain towards healing!
wonder, "Why can't she just get over it?"
"Get over it" is a phrase that is often tossed around with ease, as if moving on is simple. But the
truth is that saying it is the only easy thing about the process. In fact, when we usually tell
someone else to do it, we are really saying, "Enough already. Why can’t you understand that it is
over?”
As spectators we clearly see the futility of harping on things that can't be changed. But when you
are the one hanging on...you feel as if you are dealing with something that still has life left in it.
Whatever "it" is that you are holding on to still speaks to you in the present tense. Getting over it
just doesn't feel right. It feels like quitting…or losing… or being punked!
But the truth is ...it's been dead a long time. The only life left is the one it is stealing from you. It is
time to feed your thoughts and emotions the truth they need for closure.
The key to getting over it is understanding that some things are needed. It is not a suggestion or an
option. It is a must in order to close the door on the past. Until you do these things it is like dating
without being divorced, your relationship with the past will have the ability and potential to
disrupt your future.
In order for you to be fully present in your life right now, you must:
1. Admit how much you want it: As a child I use to psyche myself into dealing with
disappointment by shrugging my shoulders and claiming that I never really wanted what I couldn't
have in the first place. I thought that if I could "act" like it didn't matter, it wouldn't. This is not
letting go, it is lying to yourself! In the end, pretense will only leave you filled with longings. The
danger is that you will eventually train yourself to not want anything for fear of being
disappointed.
You can't get over it, until you admit to yourself how much something or someone meant to you.
Denial is the seed that grows into delusion. You can’t live your life if you are out of touch with the
way things really are!
2. Accept that you can’t have it!: Hope deferred makes the heart sick! Sick hopes defer life!
Matthew’s mom needs to accept that her ex is happily married and building a life with someone
else. She can’t go back to the past and he is no longer her husband.
The human mind is a powerful tool that God gives us to experience victory. Yet, it is the very
place the enemy first attacks when gunning for our defeat. Your mind will play all kinds of tricks
on you, reading and believing things that are no longer there.
Take your life off the hold button and realize that life is passing you by right now. Whether it is
lost love or a betrayal—you can’t go back into time and fix things. You’ve already done what
you’ve done. When God looked for Adam in the garden, he didn’t ask…"Where were you?” He
asked him, “Where are you?”
It doesn’t matter what could have been, you must deal with what it is. No matter how sad or angry
it makes you feel, you must make peace with your present situation. Acceptance gives you the
power to decide what comes next!
3. Admit it wasn’t all that you made it!: Matthew’s mother has spent over twenty years
grieving a marriage that was unhealthy and bordered on abusive. Yet, in her remake of the past
she’s managed to idolize her unfaithful ex into the ideal man. So much so that her dates have to
measure up to him. It’s funny how we make our minds play tricks on us!
Sometimes it is hard to get over something, because we’ve convinced ourselves that it was better
than where we are right now. The belief that it was better is not necessarily rooted in reality. It is
more so rooted in the fact that we already know the outcome. The past seems better because of
the uncertainty of the future. Yesterday is a done deal, but we don’t know if tomorrow holds joy,
success or more pain. It is the fear of the pain that is keeping you from stepping forward!
The only place to end up when you start with a lie is at a bigger and more painful one. See your
past for what it was and believe that from glory to glory is His promise.
4. Change lanes!: A stroll down memory lane can be a great thing. The trick is that when you
are too close to where you just left…you could end up back where you were. Your past has a
significant role to play in your life, but when issues are still too painful it is best to just keep
looking ahead. When you are tempted to remember, you must consciously choose a different
thought. The day will come when you can look back without the pain or danger of moving
backwards, but until that day...it is best to set your mind on the road to your future. What was
can’t be changed, what will be is in His hands…but what is…now that is your responsibility!
Live It! You know what you are struggling to get over. It is a reference point in your life that you
keep going back to like an established landmark. Spend a few minutes and journal what your life
will be like six months from now if you don’t address it. Then spend a few more minutes journaling
what life could be like if you do! Using steps 1-3 as your guide, have a heart-to-heart with yourself
and journey through the pain towards healing!
EMAIL:
Quoted as one of today's leading
motivational speakers by ESSENCE
magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares
life-changing truths with practical wisdom,
humor and insight. Currently, a columnist
for StreamingFaith.com, her workshops
and seminars are popular at women's,
singles' and youth conferences. For more
info, also visit feliciascott.com or myspace.
com/upliftagency. Follow her at www.twitter.
com/coachfelicia.
Email Coach Scott:
coachscott@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
motivational speakers by ESSENCE
magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares
life-changing truths with practical wisdom,
humor and insight. Currently, a columnist
for StreamingFaith.com, her workshops
and seminars are popular at women's,
singles' and youth conferences. For more
info, also visit feliciascott.com or myspace.
com/upliftagency. Follow her at www.twitter.
com/coachfelicia.
Email Coach Scott:
coachscott@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
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I have known Matthew for over 25 years.
Throughout the course of our entire
friendship, his parents have been
divorced. His father has since remarried
and started a new family. Meanwhile, his
mother can't seem to find anyone who can
"make" her happy. She still "loves" her
ex-husband and compares every new man
to him.
Throughout the course of our entire
friendship, his parents have been
divorced. His father has since remarried
and started a new family. Meanwhile, his
mother can't seem to find anyone who can
"make" her happy. She still "loves" her
ex-husband and compares every new man
to him.
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